In actual fact, all this time while I haven't been blogging I've been making supermagicdiscoveries left, right and centre. Some great music has been heard, some graphic novels have been read, some strange candy has been consumed.
But none of that today, my dears. Nosiree! Today it's the delightfully wrong rumour that New Kids on the Block are getting back together. In the words of Michael Cera's character in Juno: "Wizard!"
Can you believe your ears (will you believe your eyes when you finally see them, there, on that stage, looking the way aging boy bands will inevitably look - i.e. strung out, pumped up, scared shitless)? I hope they're going to wear the same gear. I'm totally digging this late 80s look with all the hair mousse and the vests and the t-shirts with the social messages... Like, seriously, why don't boys have hair like this anymore? If nothing else I hope the reunion tour reinspires a generation of boys to use mousse...
SO the album might tell us "this one's for the children" but I suspect the new tour ought to inolve an album entitled, This One's for my Kid's College Fund, or This One's For My Gambling Debts, or maybe just something simple like, This One's For My Ego.
Jon, Jordan, Joey, Donny and the other dude (ok, ok, Danny). (And now that I've written that I realise that we could well have known them as "3 Js and an awesome set of double Ds" - which has a great ring to it.) If they do come back what the hell are they going to do? Sing "Hangin' Tough" in stadiums around the globe? At shopping malls? Will they pull groupies? The answer to all is "probably" - and yet, here's whats still wrong after all these years - with the exception of pre-pubescent Joey, those boys are WAY TOO OLD. Has anyone seen Donnie Warhlberg lately? NEW KIDS on the block? The name is going to have to change - Old Men on the Block, anyone? Not quite the same ring, huh? Maybe gives out the wrong idea?
When I was a kid Donnie was my favourite. Now I'm worried. What does this say about me that I liked this man? (And keep in mind, he looked like this *at the time*) He's some kinda proto Kid Rock, right? Like, eww.
I bet he calls himself "Don" now and given his predeliction for ugly headwear and stubble I wouldn't be suprised if he likes his friends to refer to him as "The Don" or maybe even (shudder) "The Donster". I bet he bench-presses in his garage and is into quasi-buddist martial arts. I just *know* he has hair plugs. I grieve! I grieve for the lame-ass me who thought he was dreamy... I think I need to go to this (rumoured) concert just to purge myself of the sickness that is teeny-bopper fandom. If they *do* tour I hope to be able to at least pitch a "cultural commentary" article to some loathesome publication in order to claim the cost of my ticket back on tax... And, I wonder what the chances are of Bros reuniting?
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